James Vs Joshua

Last week I tried my hand at downloading films and TV programmes legally with iTunes but you cannot buy them from the iTunes Ireland store. So I emailed customer support about this. All I got was this ridiculously cheerful, but perfectly useless, response from a chap called Joshua, my new friend. I've boldened the weirder elements of his e-mail.

Dear James,

Hi there Joshua here again from Apple iTunes and unfortunately my friend (Kebab restaurant employees are the only people I ever allow to address me in this way. ) the only store you will be able to make your purchases from is the Ireland store . I know how this could be frustrating for you. Me being from the U S A (I've never seen it spelt this way, maybe on the side of space shuttles. What's with the spaces between the letters? i would love to purchase from other countries myself (Doubtful, to say the least.) but Apple just hasn't made that option possible yet. But rest assured Apple is a huge company (irrelevant) and Im (Obviously your huge company never taught you how to use an apostrophe. By the way, when you write the first-person singular pronoun how come you think it's acceptable to write a small i sometimes in other parts of this e-mail?) sure somewhere in the future we might be able to purchase from other countries. Let me know if you have any other question i would be happy them for you. (Now you're just talking jibberish.)

Happy New Years. (How dare he wish me happy new years when Christmas hadn't even been reached yet. Bear in mind he sent this email on Friday, BEFORE, and I add BEFORE Brian Haugh's Christmas party which always takes place a few days before Christmas. Seriously, who trains these people.)